Even If It Kills Me
by Marka.Carbondale
Summary: Thirteen Fullmetal Alchemist fics based off of the thirteen tracks of the Motion City Soundtrack album: Even If It Kills Me. RoyEd. Yaoi.
1. Fell In Love Without You

**Title: **Even If It Kills Me

**Track: **Fell In Love Without You

**Author: **risveglio

**Summary: **"What did I do last night? I laugh. I fell in love without you."

**Pairings: **RoyEd

**Category:** Romance

**Words: **402

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Motion City Soundtrack's "Even If It Kills Me."

**Warnings**: Nothing.

**Status: **In Progress

**—xx—**

**What did I do last night? I laugh. I fell in love without you.**

You continue to ask me these questions; questions about my personal life that are absolutely none of your business—at least not anymore. I look into your dark eyes and I remember that thing… the thing we once had.

No, I didn't meet someone new—it's someone I've known for years. I went on a date with a girl who had been pining after me for years and now we're happily in… what was it that we used to call it?

Oh, right. We used to call it love.

"Oh?" you respond, "and what is her name?"

"That is confidential," I'm pissed that you're not pissed, "but it's great. I love her so much and she loves me."

"Well, that's nice, Fullmetal," you thumb through a file as you answer me coldly. "I'm glad to see you've moved on."

"Well," I continue, "it was an amazing date. In fact, us splitting up was the _greatest_ idea. The date that this girl and I went on was so great—it could have made for decent fiction."

You glance up, and I can see the anger in your eyes, causing my heart to burn uncontrollably in my chest. This is what I wanted. I wanted you to be angry, pissed that I was moving on and you weren't. I wanted you to _miss_ me.

However, my joy is short-lived. The fire in those eyes is out and you lick your lips. "So, last night, you went out, Fullmetal, and you fell in love—without me. I'm sure the stars that were out that night are nowhere near as big as you make them out to be."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, you stupid bastard?" I'm on my feet, unable to control my anger. You laugh, causing me to grow even angrier, and I'm stomping up to your desk. I slam my automail into the expensive looking wood, leaving a sizable mark. "_Stop_ laughing, asshole! Stop it!"

You stop, but that incomparable smirk has replaced it, and it's much worse. "Edward, if you're done with me, you're done with me. Stop gloating about your pathetic date, and spend a little more time, perhaps, writing a better report than this." You flop my (thick) file onto the desk.

My blood is boiling, and I want to smack you, punch you, make you bleed.

However, I decide to do something worse.

I kiss you.

**—xx—**

**A/N:** Ok. This one isn't so great—but it's kind of hard to work with. I hope you'll continue to read these. Just know that they won't be very long. I'm going for a short sort of thing.

.maria


	2. This Is For Real

**Title: **Even If It Kills Me

**Track: **This Is For Real

**Author: **risveglio

**Summary: **"I've got emotion dripping out my pores, Edward. I thought I would let you know."

**Pairings: **RoyEd

**Category:** Romance

**Words: **1,079

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Motion City Soundtrack's "Even If It Kills Me."

**Warnings**: OOC-ish… I suppose.

**Status: **In Progress.

**—xx—**

**Roy eyed the phone on the table next to him. **On a night like this, Edward would usually be at his house, and they'd be curled up on the couch, talking about Ed's discoveries, his studies, his alchemy, etc. However, on this night, Edward was at his dorm, staying the night with Alphonse. It was his brother's birthday, and Roy didn't even ask Ed to stay the night—not that he would allow him to come over.

He _really_ wanted to call him, though. It wasn't so he could wish Alphonse happy birthday, or to tell Edward not to forget to come down to headquarters tomorrow. No, Roy Mustang had made an exceptionally important discovery.

He picked up the phone in haste and pressed it to his ear. Speaking to no one in particular, he said, "I've got emotion dripping out my pores, Edward. I thought I would let you know. You are the night light ripping through my wicked world—you make it sparkle—no…" Placing the phone back on the receiver, he collapsed back into his chair with a heavy sigh.

How do you tell someone you love them? He wondered. Although they had been involved for several months now, Roy was having an exceedingly difficult time letting Edward know of his recent discovery of feelings. The colonel knew now that he loved the blonde. It was an overwhelming feeling that was making it hard to control himself.

He yanked the phone up again. "I've had nightmares, Edward—you know that better than anyone. They clawed at my skin and bones, and I felt like I would explode. However, there you were, smoking the demons and giving me back my feelings. There's just one thing you should—nah…" he put the phone back again, heaving yet another sigh.

Roy Mustang was stuck. How would the boy react? Would he respond with a typical, "Mustang, you stupid bastard, you must have gone crazy?" Would he remain silent, not knowing what to say to such a declaration? Or would… would he agree? Would he reciprocate the feeling?

Without being sure, Roy could not tell him.

He had been with so many women. He knew that this was the real thing. After being with so many people, trying to fall in love so many times, he knew that he was very much in love with Edward.

But, how to tell him? Not over the phone, obviously, he decided. So, standing up, he left his home and began walking down the street to the military dorm. On the way to what may possibly be his doom, he contemplating on how he would deliver his message. He felt like pulling out his hair, mouthing words that didn't seem to belong in his mouth. He had told many girls that he had loved them, but that was only to crawl into bed with them. This was different.

Before he could understand what he was doing or where he was, he was knocking on Edward's door, and soon, the blonde appeared at the door. He was adorned in jeans and a t-shirt, and, the typical, cone-shaped, colorful party hat.

"What the hell are you doing here, bastard?"

The words pulled the colonel out of his daze of not knowing what he was doing, and he responded with a, "nice to see you, too, Edward."

"I thought we agreed that we weren't going to see each other tonight," Edward frowned, and glanced back into his room, where quite a ruckus was occurring.

"Look, Ed, I need to talk to you about something."

"…what?" Edward stepped out and closed the door gently behind him. He placed a hand on my shoulder and asked in a strangely compassionate voice, "is there something wrong, Roy?"

He wasn't sure how to begin, so he just sort of jumped in out of nowhere. "Look, every time it's the same routine. When I break up with a chick, its out with the bad, in with the clean." He gauged Ed's confused reaction, and continued. "Before I lose my motor skills," he laughed, "there's something you should know." He reached out and took Edward into his arms, "This is for real—this time I mean it. Every girl I've ever had put together doesn't compare to this. I'm coming clean, Edward. I told you from the beginning, Edward, that this goes two ways. If you don't want me, you can keep it our leave it. Of course, I'd prefer if you keep it." Roy smiled softly, "because this is the best thing that I've ever had."

"…are you saying what I think you are?" Edward asked from the loose embrace.

Roy bit his lip and let the blonde go, taking his hands. "I… I'm in love with you, Edward Elric."

The two remained joined at the hands for a couple minutes. For Roy, it felt like several hours—and the entire time, he was thinking just one thing over and over again in his head: _Don't let go. Don't let go. Don't let go._

"I…" Edward contemplated his words. "I… never thought you'd be the first to say it."

Roy's eyes shot open, so wide that he could feel his eyebrows nearly touch his hairline. "…what?"

"I've always sort of felt… _that_… for you, Mustang." He blushed, "I just wasn't sure how to put it into words." He laughed, "I never _imagined_ you'd say it first."

"So… you…" Roy tested the waters, "You feel the same?"

Edward raised his head to give the older a smile, "Of course, Roy. I mean, I wouldn't hang around this long if I didn't…" he flushed, "…uh… love you… too…"

Roy laughed—both out of relief and at the tomato-colored blonde in front of him. "Well, thank you, Edward." He tilted the blonde's chin upward and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "But, you better get back to that party. It sounds like a riot."

"You can come in if you want," he managed, the pink color leaving his cheeks.

"Nah," Roy said, shoving his hands in his pockets, "You go have a good time. We'll continue this tomorrow."

The blonde obliged, nodding slowly before backing up and opening the door to the party. As Roy walked away, he heard the other shout after him from where he stood. "Hey, old man!"

Mustang's eyebrows furrowed, but he turned tentatively. "…yes?"

"We, of course, don't mention this meeting to anyone, right?"

Roy Mustang could only laugh.

**—xx—**

**A/N: **eee. This is fun! However, listening to "This Is For Real" 980249856034986 times is not. Fortunately, I get to change it now.

The lack of ending is killing me, but I had to finish it… sorry about the weak finish.

.maria


	3. It Had To Be You

**Title:** Even If It Kills Me

**Track: **It Had To Be You

**Author: **risveglio

**Summary:**

**Pairings: **RoyEd

**Rating: **PG-13

**Category:** Romance

**Words:**616

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist or Motion City Soundtrack's "Even If It Kills Me."

**Warnings**: Nothing

**—xx—**

**Roy Mustang lit a cigarette and ****leaned back on the headboard. **The floozy who had inhabited his bed that night had long since left, and he was alone. Most nights ended like this; he went on a date with a girl, took her home, fucked her, and then stayed up until four in the morning thinking and indulging in his new bad habit—smoking a cigarette per night.

In earlier years, the man would have been fast asleep hours ago, dreaming happily of promotions. Now, he couldn't get to sleep for the life of him, which led to long naps in the office. It wasn't as if he could help it, his mind was too clouded with thoughts in the late evenings for him to sleep—and it was all because of one tiny, often angry, Fullmetal Alchemist.

At first, he was simply worried about Edward. He wondered if it was safe to send a teenager out on missions that were fit for an adult. He worried if the brothers would make it back each time in one piece.

But soon, it was more. He couldn't stop thinking about him. His thoughts often wondered to the blonde's amber eyes, his golden hair, his tiny, yet built, physique. The colonel fantasized about touching him, kissing him, and realized, just as it was too late, that he was slowly falling for the Fullmetal Alchemist.

The man wanted him more than almost anything, but knew he could not have him. He knew that they could never be together because of the many blocks in the way. Roy also knew that he got lost, messed up, bored when he was alone too long. He could barely function, sleep, or eat without being with someone—and that's why he always had a girl by his side. There was hardly a night that went by where there wasn't a woman in his bed after being on his arm.

His last serious relationship, a short brunette, had dumped him. Late into the last fall, she had ended it and moved away—and just like that she vanished from his life, and never even called.

With Edward, he felt a sort of synergy, a bond. He desperately wanted to know if he felt the same, and longed to just go up to him and asked. He knew, though, that he couldn't, and it was just a little too hard to let it go.

As his cigarette began to burn out, he removed it from his lips, wanting to savor its bitter, creamy taste for a few more minutes. Roy was tired of these nights, staying up and thinking, wishing he possessed the courage—and perhaps the stupidity or ignorance—the just ask him; ask Edward, "Do you feel the harmony I feel between us?"

What _if _it were him; Edward—the one that he needed all along? Mustang had a pretty good idea of what they would do. He would want to get wrecked with Edward, go on a sugar high and maybe get a little drunk, and run around town. He wanted to be immature with Edward, throw away his pride that made him so defined, and just be a fool with him. Then, he would take the teen home and make love to him. It was a wonderful dream—to make them unafraid to feel things.

But, what a disaster it would be if Edward discovered that he cared a little too much for friends.

He took the last, long, savory drag of his cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the bedside table. Letting his head fall forward, a laugh escaped from his lips.

"It _had_ to be you."

**—xx—**

**A/N**: I really wish I could string all these together. A lot of them _are_ stringed together (in fact, the last seven are related.) I will try my best to make them as close as possible. However, I would like to let the public know that the point of this isn't to make a story all together, but thirteen short stories about my favorite couple in accordance to the album, **Even If It Kills Me** by **Motion City Soundtrack**.

Hope that cleared some stuff up.

.maria


End file.
